This is a document I put together for a presentation for my Writing Barn Write. Submit. Support. group. For anyone stuck on a revision, or with a giant folder of picture book manuscripts that need polishing, this might help…  

STEPS FOR REVISING A PICTURE BOOK DRAFT 

Step 1: Check your pitch. Does your short pitch succinctly tell what your story is about? Is it unique? Does it hook the reader? Does the story sound kid friendly? 

Ex. Extra Yarn - A monochrome town gets a change of color and attitude with the help of a magical box of yarn and a girl named Annabelle. But what will the greedy, clothes-loving archduke find when he tries to buy--then steal--the box for himself?

Ex. Whobert Whover, Owl Detective – Help Whobert Whover, Owl Detective, keep his woods safe in this hilarious who-who-dun-it. What happened to Perry the Possum? Whobert is on the case!

Ex. Sophie’s Squash - Sophie chooses a squash at the farmer’s market, but instead of letting her mom cook it, she names it Bernice. From then on, Sophie brings Bernice everywhere. But what's a girl to do when the squash she loves begins to rot? 

Step 2: Check opening. Do your opening lines grab the reader’s attention? Ideally, they address the Who, What, Where, When and Why all in one power-packed beginning.

Ex. This Moose Belongs to Me – Wilfred owned a moose.

Ex. Adrian Simcox Does Not Have a Horse – Adrian Simcox sits all by himself, probably daydreaming again. And Adrian Simcox tells anyone who will listen that he has a horse.

Ex. Unicorn Thinks He’s Pretty Great – Things are a lot different around here since that Unicorn moved in.

You can email me at me@michellehowellmiller.com for the rest of the steps…

Everyone can connect with Brian in Trudy Ludwig and Patrice Barton's The Invisible Boy. Who hasn't had the feeling of being invisible at one point in their lives?

Can you see Brian, the invisible boy? Even Mrs. Carlotti has trouble noticing him in her classroom. She's too busy dealing with Nathan and Sophie.

...

Nathan and Sophie take up a lot of space. Brian doesn't.

The Invisible Boy is a friendship book, but there are many other layers within the pages: understanding, acceptance, and being the new kid. Warning: This book tugs at your heartstrings.

Favorite Line: Maybe, just maybe, Brian's not so invisible after all.

Favorite Illustration: I LOVE that we see Brian as shades of gray in the beginning, and that sparks of color begin to appear as he interacts with the new kid in class.

I'll be blogging here about a favorite book for little humans - whether it's a picture book, chapter book, middle grade, or young adult. 

Today's book is the picture book Swan, The Life and Dance of Anna Pavlova, by Laurel Snyder, illustrated by Julie Morstad.

It's a book I've been swooning over since the first time I read it.

The city is big.

Anna is small.

The snow is everywhere and all around.

I love everything about it. The language is breathtaking. Julie Morstad's illustrations are beautiful. The lessons, from never giving up, to sharing beauty throughout the world, are universal.

You and your children might find yourselves swish, swishing throughout the house...

For picture books, I read through the manuscript once. Then at the top of the page, I write Michelle’s Critique Feedback, with bullets for all of the pros. Then another section of suggestions where I add bullets for the areas that aren’t working for me. I also add comments in line throughout the manuscript, where I love the writing, where I might be confused, and where I have suggestions.

For writers new to critiques, or looking for a format to help with critique groups, here’s the template that I received for my critique at the 2018 SCBWI Austin conference. I use this longer critique format for chapter books and novels, but if you’re new to critiques, this might be helpful for picture books too…

CRITIQUE NOTES

Date:

Title of Manuscript:

Author:

Reviewer:

1.     What are the positive aspects of this work?

2.     What elements need the most attention and improvement?

3.     Notes on plot and pacing

4.     Notes on viewpoint

5.     Notes on voice

6.     Notes on characterization

7.     Notes on language/dialogue

8.     Notes on setting

9.     Notes on audience elements

10. Notes on marketability

11. Next steps/Would you want to read more?

12. Additional comments

A.N. Kang's debut picture book is a winner. Who can resist a kitty that is so fluffy, he floats? 

Papillon is a big kitty.

He is not fat.

Just very fluffy.

I mean FLUFFY!

He is lighter than air,

which can get him into trouble.

Papillon will fly away if something's not holding him down. And one day, he does just that, following after a bird friend. But alas, he comes to a scary wood. Can his bird friend help Papillon find his way home?

Favorite Line: Papillon did not like wearing clothes. One day, he refused. Cats are like that.

Favorite Illustration: Final spread of Papillon in his new hat.

Everyone wants a unicorn, right? Author Ame Dyckman and illustrator Liz Climo are out to convince you there are many reasons why you should NOT wish for a unicorn.

WAIT!

You were gonna wish for a unicorn, weren't you?

Wishing for a unicorn is a BIG MISTAKE!

Just step away and -

PLIP

Uh-oh. 

Unicorns shed, scratch and they can't be house trained. When the unicorns begin to multiply, our main character must finally wish them away.

Favorite Line: Great. You've unleashed the most destructive force in the universe - A UNICORN PARTY!!!

Favorite Illustration: Last page turn surprise.

Chicken in Space, written by Adam Lehrhaupt and illustrated by Shahar Kober, is rich with voice and humor. 

Zoey wasn't like the other chickens.

She had dreams.

She had a plan.

She had a pig. 

"Put your hat on, Sam," said Zoey. "We're going to space!"

Chicken and her pig explore "space" in a basket powered by balloons, dodging comets (kites) and battling aliens (birds).

Favorite Line: "Not a problem!" said Zoey. "An opportunity!"

Favorite Illustration: Chicken's pig, tongue out, amazed by her gift of a moon pie.

Egg is not hatching. No way. No how. It is too scary out there. This sweet book by Laura Gehl and Joyce Wan covers the themes of friendship, persistence, and facing our fears.

"Are you hatching yet?" Peep asked. "We're going to have so much fun once you hatch!"

"Too scary," said Egg. "I'm not hatching."

We can watch the sunrise from the roof of the henhouse," Peep said.

"Too high," said Egg. "I'm not hatching."

Peep continues to pitch Egg on all of the fun they will have together. Egg continues to find a reason not to hatch. Until he's left alone - crack, crack, craaack, "Peep, wait for me!"

Favorite Line: "We can watch the sunrise from the roof of the henhouse," Peep said. "Too high," said Egg.

Favorite Illustration: Egg in a helmet on top of the henhouse.

The amazing rhyme from Matt Forrest Esenwine combined with the intriguing artwork by Fred Koehler makes for a winning picture book in Flashlight Night.

Flashlight...

opens up the night.

Leads you past old post and rail

along a long-forgotten trail

into woods no others dare, 

for fear of what is waiting there.

The story follows children exploring woods, tombs, ships and mountains - their imaginations spurred on by beloved books.

Favorite Lines: Sinking under covers deep as weary eyes fight off the sleep. Adventure lingers, stirs about - until a voice says, "Shhh...lights out."

Favorite Illustration: Girl making wolf shadows on the tomb walls.

Peter Brown's The Curious Garden, about a boy creating beauty in a city without greenery, is a favorite in our household.

There once was a city without gardens or

trees or greenery of any kind.

Most people spent their time indoors.

As you can imagine, it was a very dreary place.

However, there was one boy who loved being outside.

When Liam discovers a few plants in an old railway, he tends to them to help them grow. They grow, and grow, and grow until ... the entire city has blossomed.

Favorite Line: But the most surprising things that popped up were the new gardeners.

Favorite Illustration: The moose, elephant and giraffe tree sculptures.

This is not your everyday love story. Adam Rex's humor and wit, match perfectly with Scott Campbell's watercolors in this tale, told through love letters between a clumsy Ox and a graceful, famous Gazelle.

Dear Gazelle,

For some time now I have wanted to write a letter to say how much I admire you. You are so graceful and fine. Even when you are running from tigers you are like a ballerina who is running from tigers.

I think that what I am trying to say is that I love you.

XO, OX

Gazelle responds with a form letter, then another, but when Ox continues to write, complimenting and insulting her at the same time, she can't help but write back. The hilarity ensues...

Favorite Line: You make me want to be the best ox I can be. So I thank you again - you are the unflattering light of my life.

Favorite Illustration: The endpages!

There are classic picture books, like Where The Wild Things Are and The Little Engine That Could, that stand the test of time. Extra Yarn, written by Mac Barnett and illustrated by Jon Klassen, has that feel to it. Fifty years from now, kids will still be reading it.

On a cold afternoon, in a cold little town,

where everywhere you looked was either the white of snow

or the black of soot from chimneys,

Annabelle found a box filled with yarn of every color.

So she went home and knit herself a sweater. 

And when Annabelle was done, she had some extra yarn.

Annabelle doesn't stop with her sweater. She knits sweaters for everyone - even things that don't usually wear sweaters like trees and houses. Annabelle won't sell her box, even for ten million dollars.

Favorite Line: All of them ;-)

Favorite Illustration: The cover

Max the Magnificent is a daring magician. But will he be able to accomplish the most difficult trick of putting off bedtime?

Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and Girls!

Hurry, hurry, for the

BEST SHOW ON EARTH!

Tonight for your entertainment and delight,

we proudly present, from all the way behind the curtain,

the world's youngest magician. Please put your hands together for...

MAX THE MAGNIFICENT!

Mark Sperring and Sarah Warburton's bedtime book is kid friendly and full of voice. Parents and kids alike will enjoy the bedtime mayhem...

Favorite Line: Tonight we will see his world-famous and death-defying PUTTING OFF BEDTIME FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE SHOW.

Favorite Illustration: Max's Abracadabra spread.

Stick and Stone, the rhyming picture book written by Beth Ferry and Tom Lichtenheld, is a heartwarming friendship story. 

Stick.

Stone.

Lonely.

Alone.

A zero.

A one.

Alone is no fun.

Stick and Stone become fast friends after Stick sticks up for Stone. 

Favorite Line: Stick. Stone. Together Again. Stick. Stone. A perfect 10. 

Favorite Illustration: Stone alone, looking up at the full moon.

Bunnies. Adorable. Bunny's Book Club. Doubly Adorable. You'll love Annie Silvestro's debut picture book, illustrated by Tatjana Mai-Wyss. I laughed out loud several times with this one - particularly when the animals are squeezing through the book return.

Bunny loved books.

He'd loved them ever since he first heard the lady with the red glasses reading aloud outside the library.

As he listened, Bunny imagined himself climbing mountains...

captaining a ship...ruling a kingdom.

Bunny and his friends discover the wonders of the library. But what will happen when they're discovered by the librarian? 

Favorite Line: One by one, the animals stuffed themselves inside the library. (Bear caused a bit of a delay.). They scattered about, sniffing the stacks, pawing over pages.

Favorite Illustration: Final scene of all the animals enjoying the first official selection for Bunny's Book Club...with cupcakes.

This is one of my new favorites by Thyra Heder, mixing fiction and nonfiction elements in a fresh and adorable way. A girl grumpily finishes her "bear report" homework when suddenly, a polar bear appears in her family room. The bear takes her to the arctic to show her what bears are really like.

Bear: I also like music.

Sophie: Music?

Bear: Whale music.

Sophie: Whaled don't make music!

Bear: Sure they do!

Sophie learns all about bears in a playful dialogue with her bear friend. Eventually, she saves the day, getting them back to shore with a ride on a whale.

Favorite Line: That was fantastic, Sophie. When did you learn to speak whale? Today!

Favorite Illustration: All of them! If I had to choose, then the same spread as the favorite line above - with the two friends looking up at the sky together.

A new holiday book, The Little Reindeer, is gorgeously illustrated by Nicola Killen. The book is adorned with window and doorway cut-outs and metallic inlays. 

It was Christmas Eve and Ollie had just gone to sleep when

jingle, jingle, jingle

she woke again with a start.

What was that sound?

An adorable little girl dressed in her reindeer suit is ready for Christmas. But one of Santa's reindeer has lost his collar, calling to Ollie in the wind. 

Favorite Line: She wondered if they would go for a ride through the forest, but to her surprise...they soared up into the night sky, leaving the trees far below!

Favorite Illustration: Ollie with her sled, discovering the collar with silver bells.

When Spring Comes, written by Kevin Henkes and illustrated by Laura Dronzek, is a sweet season book filled with blue skies, flowers and kittens.

Before Spring comes, the trees look like black sticks against the sky.

But if you wait, Spring will bring leaves and blossoms.

Pretty painted pictures adorn this poetic book about all the lovely things (and not so lovely things) Spring brings. Do you like mud? Do you like puddles? I hope you like umbrellas.

Favorite line: There will be buds and bees and boots and bubbles. There will be worms and wings and wind and wheels.

Favorite illustration: The three kittens waiting for summer.

Bitty Bot is an adorable, fresh take on a going to bed book. Written by Tim McCanna and illustrated by Tad Carpenter, this book follows a little robot and his space adventures.

In a busy robot town,

bots begin to power down -

all except for Bitty Bot.

Feeling sleepy? Maybe not.

McCanna's rhyme is masterful, the words are playful, and the tone is perfect for getting your little bots ready for dreamland.

Favorite line: "Kiss your papas, hug your mamas. Activate your bot pajamas."

Favorite illustration: Bitty Bot tucked into bed with an alien stuffy.

Finally out on shelves in bookstores everywhere is writer Bethany Hegedus and illustrator Erin McGuire's Alabama Spitfire, The Story of Harper Lee and To Kill a Mockingbird. It's the inspiring true story of a scrappy tomboy who grew up to write one of the most beloved books of the twentieth century. 

The red soil of Monroeville, Alabama, is as rocky as the state's past. But born in that same soil are the roots of the girl who grew up to write "the book of the twentieth century."

Nelle Harper Lee entered this world on April 28, 1926. From the get-go she was a spitfire.

There are many teaching opportunities for children in Nelle's story. The spitfire, rebel girl showing grit to follow her dreams. The way of the world in Nelle's hometown and throughout the country, where separate was not equal. Young Nelle fighting injustice - saving her friend Tru from the bullies. And an older Nelle, fighting for a life of her own design. 

Favorite Line: Nelle, the girl who fought playground injustice, was at it again - publishing a book where a small town and its people struggled with what was wrong and what was right - and where ski color didn't automatically make one guilty.